The Daily Kanga

flightsaregay.doc 

Went to Big Lots today and almost had an enjoyable shopping experience.

I was turning around this corner with my buggy and acidently bumped into this grey-haired, unkept looking guy. He looks at me and smiles and says, 'Oh, hello there!. I replied, 'Oh, pardon me, didn't mean to run you down.' He then says, 'That is alright.' I buggied away and glanced over my shoulder and noticed that he almost ran into the display case because he was still looking at me.

I thought nothing of it.

I'm in the electronics asile, looking to see if any computer accessories were stocked, and that they did, I got a GE scroll mouse for $3.99. I was happy and as I placed it in my buggy, I heard some heavy breathing and looked up to find that same guy trotting towards me. He then said, 'Oh, and here we are again... it must be Fate.'

(Yeh. OK. It's fate that you were 'out of breath' trying to track me down in every asile.)

I smiled and continued to look at products and then he starts:

'You know, you are very attractive.' (Then he made this mmmmm-mmmm sound).
'Thank you, that's kind of you to say.'

(I didn't have any make-up on, my hair was a mess, though I reckon he was attracted to my ass, as the cargo pants I was wearing made my butt stick out more and gave it an uplifted look).

As his eyes was wandering down my backside, he continued:
'So is an attractive woman such as you, all alone?'
'Yes, and I would like to keep it that way.'

I started to buggy away and softly said, 'Bye.'
He then follows me for a couple of steps and I buggy away faster.
I wanted to look around some more, but didn't want to chance running into him again, or him into me, so I bought my stuff and walked out to Byron.

And there he was again!
Waving at me with a silly grin on his face.

Freaked me out.

Think I'll chose another Big Lots in which to shop.

Or, just not wear them pants out in public.

I woke up at 6:30 this morning, yes, all on my own. My body had enough rest and when my eyes flung open; I was bored just laying there.  I watched the news, listened to the reports about the 'Big Plume of Smoke' which I still think that it wasn't an 'acident'. But, that's me and I love a good conspiracy theory.

Got ready and left the house, crossed the road and waited for the bus to take me into the city centre. Whilst I was waiting, this woman started to talk to me:

Woman: 'Oh aye, it's bloody cold out here.'

Me:        'I would rather it be cold than a big plume of smoke overcast and making us all sick.'

Woman: 'Oh aye, Yes, those poor southern tossers'

Anyway, she started chatting more, mentioning that I don't sound like the people around here. I told her a little bout myself and then well... that opened up an whole new light into this woman's life that I think I could have done without.

The bus came and she sits with me - which is fine. She was on her way to the hospital for some tests.  I listen to her, making her know that I was really interesed in the small talk that she was providing.

As she knew that I was American, she asked me if I knew these certain names of American doctors that deal with breast implants. I had to tell her, 'No.' Well, she starts to tell me about her silicon breasts implants and how one of them has busted and she had to have them removed a number of years ago. She told me how she would fall down and pass out, because it created a fibroistic cyst under her arm. Then she tells me how really sick she got and how her piles were really really bad. She continued to tell me how much her piles had really bothered her, and included the fact that she had a 'leaking' problem.  During some of her one-sided convo; I had a little trouble trying to understand some of the words she was saying and I didn't want to seem rude and say, 'What?' Because, she was in full chat mode; I doubt I could have gotten a word in edgewise anyway.

She was very jolly about her whole medical drama of a life though. I told her, 'Yes, that is the best way to be, is to be positive.' She agreed.

She got off the bus soon after, but before she headed off, she turned towards me one last time and said:

"I can't wait to get my new breast implants!"

Me:  "Are you going private?"

Woman: "Oh, no, it's on the NHS. They fucked it up the first time, so they had better get it right the second time. I'm tired of looking lop-sided."

.....

I got off the bus into the city centre and did some shopping. It was a crowded. It was noisey. It didn't smell too good either. And I almost had an asthma attack.

Some bloke tried to pick me up. I refused. He got upset. I walked away. He followed me for a bit. Fate thought that it would be a good time to send a policeman. I asked the policeman for directions. The bloke fucked off.

I didn't really buy much today. But, I got my xmas/yule shopping done;)

I just need some mistletoe now.

I have a headache.