The Daily Kanga

Friday, October 20, 2006

Guess what the cat did?

 

 

And, no, it wasn't Magick.

It was Sammy.  Here I am Internetting and he trills for my attentions. I reach down and pet him. He suddenly jumps on up the keyboard and investigates my diet coke glass, which has a plastic straw in it.
Before I could shoo him away, he took the straw, jumped down and ran off!

The cat stole my straw!

He ran to my bedroom door and then dropped the straw:
'Sammy, you little bugger, you stole my straw!'  I started to reach for it and then I realised:
'You might as well play with it now, Sammy, I don't want it back.'

He looked up at me and meowed and walked off.

I guess he didn't want it back either.

awww -- little Sammy-alabamy.

05:03 Posted in Funny | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Penis gag or Tit gag?

 * R pulls out a penis gag with a locking head strap and grins at Paul
[03:51] <Cuffed_Arcadia> ahha I knew the penis gag was coming out!
[03:51] * Paul raises eyebrow
[03:51] <Paul> (hard limit)
[03:51] <Cuffed_Arcadia> (just think of it as a banana)
[03:51] <Cuffed_Arcadia> ( :-p)
[03:51] <Paul> i dont mind eating banannas
[03:52] <Cuffed_Arcadia> how about a tit-gag then?
[03:52] * R squeezes the nipple clamp tighter with one hand
[03:52] <Paul> momma
[03:52] <Paul> owwww *squints
[03:52] <Cuffed_Arcadia> hahahahahahaha
[03:52] * R stuffs the gag in his mouth
[03:52] <Cuffed_Arcadia> ...ew... but haha
[03:52] <Paul> lol arrcadia

08:57 Posted in Funny | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

Sunday, October 15, 2006

To My Cat, Magick

 

To my cat, Magick:

 

  You were so sweet eariler, curled up in a tiny ball on the arm of the big soft chair, in which I was sitting in. Your sweet purring rolled into a deep snore. I looked at you adoringly, stroked the top of your head all the way down your back. Your purring grew louder. I smiled when your multi-coloured striped paw covered the end of your loud nose. I expressed to my mother how sweet and innocent you looked. How you were the perfect angel kitty, the sweet angel kitty that I love so dearly.

Then I went into my bedroom.

I sat down at the computer chair to check my email. As I took a deep breath, I noticed a whiff of a certain smell in the air. A smell that did not belong in my bedroom. I glanced down at the floor and took notice of a pair of jeans that were laying on the floor.

I got up from the chair to investigate the familar odor. When I bent down closer to inspect, I realised where the smell was coming from and where it had came from.

'That damn cat!' I yelled out to my mother.
'Hopey, do you mean your sweet 'angel kitty'?'
'Mom, I told you yesterday that he would be 'pissed off' because we gave Prissy special canned cat food and didn't give him any.'
After the explosion of laughter that my mother was aprntly rolling with she exclaimed, 'What did he do?'
As I was picking up the wet pair of jeans I exclaimed in return, 'What do you think he did? He had a bladder hoot-n-nanny on my jeans!!!'

My mother continued to roll. She was laughing so hard and all she could manage to say was, 'Hopey, you are sooo funny! 'Bladder Hoot-n-nanny', did you just make that up?'
'Yes, I did. You would find inspiration if your cat had a tempermental bladder!'

At this point, Magick came stalking into the hallway and looked up at me and gave a soft meow-maw. I still  had the wet jeans in my hands and said to him:
'Magick, look what I found. Here, why don't you smell them, see if you can tell me what is wrong with them.' I laid the jeans down on the floor at his paws and he ran off. I yelled out to him:
'Yeah, you have that option to run away, I do not. And to think that we had the whole trust building exercises. I left my bedroom door open for you. I let you sleep on my bed when I wasn't here, thinking I could trust you, but oh no, you have to 'piss' revenge on my jeans because I didn't give you any canned catfood yesterday. Canned catfood makes you sick; your tummy is sensitive, but aprntly, so is your bladder!'
I heard this 'MEOWMRMMRM' in the distance.
'Magick! I heard that, don't cuss at me young man!'
'mmmmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeow!'

I put the jeans in the wash and came back to my mother and just gave her 'the look'.

'Aww, Hopey, he doesn't remember what he did. Cats only have a three second memory.'
'OK, then how come he held a grudge for 24 hours? How come he can remember that Prissy got canned cat food and not him, but he can forget that he pissed on my jeans?'
'Well... all I can say is that he's your cat.'
At this point, I start to laugh:
'What are you saying?'
'Well, when something pisses him off, he doesn't forget.'
'Yeah, aprntly so, and when he wants to forget he just pisses.'
My mother's response: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA as she wiped away a tear.

Magick is grounded for a week, which means no sleeping in The Ark, which is known to all the animals in the house as: Hope's Room.

Damn cat.

Speaking of...

I am hearing this outside my bedroom door:

'Meow?'
*sigh* yeah yeah, I know I know. I'm going to let him in. I'm a push over. And he knows it!

 

 

05:40 Posted in Funny | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

Sunday, October 01, 2006

All you are is 'dick in the wind'

Late night Internetting and lots of iced tea with Splenda results:


[03:51] * curious has worn a kilt before, but made the mistake of wearing it commando style in the wind
[03:51] Arcadia: oh, I bet you got a good airing out then, curious
[03:51] curious: LOL
[03:51] Arcadia: was it all 'dick' in the wind?
[03:51] * Arcadia smirks
[03:52] curious: ROTFLMAO
[03:52] Arcadia: haha
[03:52] * Arcadia blogs that actually

09:10 Posted in Funny | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Recent favs from bash.org

After having a somewhat stressful day, and not finding enough morons to poke fun of over the Internet; I bashed.

Below is what made me laugh:

 

# 516497
<Linforcer> heh, I just told m girfriend I like my women like I like I like my programming
<MuStR>     logical?
<Linforcer> C++
<mkde>      LOL
<MuStR>     rofl are you serious?

#242813

<Raymondo> I'm a lot funnier in real life.
<Megatron5000> that doesn't matter here
<Raymondo> I'm just pointing out I don't suck 24/7
<PrzeCM03|04> who cares what's your sucking timetable

#34686 +(381)- [X]

<Hypr> i heard theres a mexican equvalent of warez called juarez

#413 +(200)- [X] <Dr_DOS> i'd go straight into the army if they allowed IRC on weekends.

#167574 +(225)- [X]

<kinkos> can you use a tesla coil as a sexual toy?
<Aegis`> yah, but only once.
<kinkos> once is all i need!

#232034 +(74)- [X]

<Kyote> What the fuck would a British version of Fight Club be? Two really pale guys calling each other wankers and throwing teabags around?

#352172 +(5635)- [X]   (yeah, I know -- this one is groan-worthy;))

<NHBoy> I broke my G-string while fingering a minor :(
<rycool> ...
<NHBoy> I was trying to play Knocking on Heaven's Door.
<NHBoy> Oh well, time to buy new strings.

#14258 +(5234)- [X] (hahahaha)

<Sigurd> a sprite is anything not static
<SRElysian> a sprite is a variable object
<SRElysian> be it 2d or 3d
<TorMuck> a sprite is a fucking soda
<TorMuck> you god damn geekass bastards

One more? Sure!

#56155 +(132)- [X]

[54]Drekknni: I've noticed that Mario Sunshine makes me feel pretty violent. More so than GTA3 or other "violent", "adult" games, anyway. I can't stand more than 20 minutes or so of it without getting pissed off and throwing the controller.

I felt that last one, cause Mario Sunshine made me feel the same way, esp when you try to use the water spout, what pants!

 

04:16 Posted in Funny | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

Sunday, July 23, 2006

So why are YOU on the Internet?

[13:30] jonneywar: hi there
[13:30] athena_bathena: no, I have no cam
[13:31] jonneywar: hey i never asked
[13:33] athena_bathena: but weren't you going too?
[13:33] jonneywar: no
[13:33] athena_bathena: ok
[13:33] athena_bathena: then what were you going to say?
[13:33] jonneywar: hello!!
[13:33] athena_bathena: oh right - hello!
[13:33] jonneywar: hows u
[13:34] athena_bathena: not awake yet
[13:34] jonneywar: im john 30 from the south east
[13:34] athena_bathena: good to meet you
[13:34] jonneywar: u too
[13:34] jonneywar: u from the uk
[13:35] athena_bathena: no
[13:35] jonneywar: ok
[13:35] jonneywar: do u live in the uk
[13:36] athena_bathena: yes
[13:36] jonneywar: where abouts
[13:36] athena_bathena: up north
[13:36] jonneywar: oh im from oop north
[13:36] jonneywar: leeds
[13:36] athena_bathena: 50 miles down
[13:37] jonneywar: ok
[13:37] jonneywar: u attached
[13:37] athena_bathena: attached to what?
[13:37] jonneywar: have u a partner
[13:37] athena_bathena: I do
[13:37] jonneywar: ok
[13:38] jonneywar: so y u on here
[13:39] athena_bathena: Well, This is the Internet. I use the Internet to read news, sports and politics along with blogs and listening to radio stations... I am not like those that only use the Internet as a dating service.
[13:39] jonneywar: ok
[13:39] jonneywar: have u got a pic
[13:40] athena_bathena: I have many pictures
[13:40] jonneywar: ok
[13:40] jonneywar: any of u
[13:40] athena_bathena: some are of me yes
[13:40] jonneywar: can i c one please
[13:40] athena_bathena: Why?
[13:41] jonneywar: just intrigued
[13:42] athena_bathena: Why?
[13:42] jonneywar: like to see who im chatting with
[13:42] athena_bathena: What has intrigued you... the fact that I do not have a picture in my profile?
[13:42] athena_bathena: oh right
[13:42] athena_bathena: So you plan on chatting with me for a lengthy period then?
[13:44] jonneywar: yes
[13:44] athena_bathena: and why is that?
[13:44] jonneywar: well have to see how things go
[13:44] jonneywar: but so far so good
[13:44] athena_bathena: oh right, I see
[13:44] athena_bathena: I only show pictures to those that I actually know
[13:45] athena_bathena: it's a waste otherwise
[13:45] jonneywar: ok
[13:45] jonneywar: where were u born
[13:45] athena_bathena: in Tennessee
[13:45] athena_bathena: I'm American
[13:45] jonneywar: ok
[13:45] jonneywar: what brought u too the uk
[13:46] athena_bathena: my 'attached' partner
[13:46] jonneywar: ok
[13:46] jonneywar: u in the forces
[13:47] athena_bathena: which force?
[13:47] jonneywar: armed services
[13:47] jonneywar: army
[13:47] jonneywar: navy
[13:48] athena_bathena: None of them
[13:48] jonneywar: oh
[13:48] jonneywar: move with your partners job
[13:48] athena_bathena: Why do you like military women or something?
[13:48] jonneywar: no
[13:48] athena_bathena: you ask a lot of questions
[13:48] jonneywar: ok
[13:48] jonneywar: usually how u get to know someone
[13:49] athena_bathena: well yes, but other questions might help to get to know someone better
[13:49] athena_bathena: be more creative, get a more creative response
[13:50] jonneywar: oh.........
[13:50] jonneywar: what do u do for a living
[13:50] athena_bathena: nothing
[13:51] jonneywar: oh
[13:51] jonneywar: interest hobbies
[13:51] athena_bathena: I listen to music. I love to read. I like playing Second Life.
[13:51] athena_bathena: oh and I blog
[13:51] athena_bathena: what are your hobbies?
[13:52] jonneywar: sport
[13:52] jonneywar: computers
[13:52] jonneywar: travelling
[13:53] athena_bathena: Are you into BDSM at all?
[13:53] jonneywar: yeah
[13:54] jonneywar: r u
[13:54] athena_bathena: So you know what BDSM means then?
[13:54] jonneywar: ok
[13:54] jonneywar: just u n hubby
[13:54] jonneywar: or do u meet others
[13:55] athena_bathena: I asked you a question....
[13:55] athena_bathena: Some people will say they like it and can't even say what the B.D.S.M stands for.
[13:55] athena_bathena: which I think is shite
[13:55] athena_bathena: it shows how they lack in their actual kink worthiness
[13:55] jonneywar: oh
[13:57] athena_bathena: geeze, you talk a lot
[13:57] athena_bathena: it's liek a mile a minute with you
[13:57] athena_bathena: chatter chatter chatter, that is all that matters with you
[13:57] athena_bathena: you should slow down... might get a chat-ticket for speed typing.
[13:57] jonneywar: lol
[13:57] jonneywar: oh well im off for some lunch
[13:57] athena_bathena: ok

---

The way I see if, if some random stranger is going to yahoo me, then I'll be just as random.

It weeds out the strong from the meek, as well as entertains me.

 

14:06 Posted in Funny | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Throwing Insults with Spod DJ Ghost

I was so thrilled to learn that DJ Ghost would be doing a show on tornadoradio.com tonight! The tosser stood me up last week:/ (This is a saved draft entry, which I am just only publishing now...I forgot about it...damn you SL.)

Anyway, here are our best bits while he was on air:

Arcadia says: www.secondlife.com very good
Arcadia says: that's very very fun
DJ Ghost says: I'll look into it after the show
DJ Ghost says: can't brows the web while I'm on the air
Arcadia says: ok - and then when you stop playing in a week - let me know how it worked out for you
Arcadia says: *nods and understands* I don't expect you to be able to do much - esp with you having a one 'track' mind!
Arcadia says: hahahaahaaa
Arcadia says:*claps*
Arcadia says: fuck, I am BRILLIANT!!!
DJ Ghost says:lol

While he was on air, he made a compeition as to which radio listener could insult the best. I was the only one who actually participated. Well, I guess he counts as well, seeing as we were insulting each other.  

Arcadia says: you sorry sack of piss monkey shite
DJ Ghost -  says: weak
DJ Ghost -  says: you got to do better than that
Arcadia says: oh, I'm sorry, you actually want me to start - cause usually with you I don't even have to 'try'
Arcadia says: you're just so so easy
Arcadia says: a fifty cent whore wouldn’t lend you a quarter
DJ Ghost -  says: surprise you'd even have change on 50 cents
Arcadia says: how did you know my secret? I thought I told your father not to tell anyone!
DJ Ghost -  says: oooh we're on family now
Arcadia says: well no more sucking his cock then
Arcadia says: bring it, you european, bring it
Arcadia says: see, that is an insult in itself
Arcadia says: hahahah
DJ Ghost -  says: so you're brother still cleaning out his tiny excuse for a breeding organ in your nostrils
Arcadia says: wtf is a breeding organ - does it play music?
Arcadia says: you having nose sex?
DJ Ghost -  says: not since last time I met your sister
Arcadia says: oh my gods!
Arcadia says: she is such a slut whore!!!
DJ Ghost -  says: duh
DJ Ghost -  says: it runs in the family
Arcadia says:haha
Arcadia says: yes, it does!
Arcadia says: that would have to be a very big nostril to have an entire breeding organ
Arcadia says: where would the woodwind section sit?
DJ Ghost -  says: well, it is certainly bigger now than before... the nostril that is
Arcadia says: was it the coke?
DJ Ghost -  says: I think it was the crack
Arcadia says: awww, poor dear - well look at it this way, at least there is another hole  to let your gay lovers pentrate you
Arcadia says: cum n snot
Arcadia says: I never would have thought you of all people would be into that sort of thing
Arcadia says: what do you people eat over there?
 

At this point he had forgotten that he was on air:

DJ Ghost -  says: forgot about IsQ radio
Arcadia says: yes
Arcadia says: that is where it started you horsewipe
Arcadia says: gods are you sure your parents aren't related by blood?
DJ Ghost -  says: so how many children have you molested this week
Arcadia says: including yours - 1 and that was only because you weren't doing it enough
DJ Ghost -  says: well you should know about inbreeding, coming from the south and all

Arcadia says: and considering that Americans came from Europe  - then where do you think we got it from?

DJ Ghost- says: so inbreeding is your new religion
Arcadia says:   I AM THE GODDES OF HELL FIRE
DJ Ghost -  says: and you point out my typos
Arcadia says: well yes, only because they are not as good as mine!
Arcadia says: anyway your typos have an accent

Hahahaha!

 He is soooo funny! He's lives in Eastern Europe, but is from Western Europe... We beat their team in the World Cup;)

DJ Ghost is the best Spod DJ... ever! And a nice friend in which to have. Very nice voice... even if it does pass through the mouth of a cankerous douchebag:-p.

 

15:50 Posted in Funny | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

Friday, March 17, 2006

Sue you! No, sue me.. myself and I!

Have you ever done something really stupid and damaged your own property? Why not trying suing yourself and see how far that goes;) Or, just get the spouse to do it:-p

LODI, Calif. (AP) _ Curtis Gokey has only himself to blame for an accident but he sued anyway. Gokey was driving a Lodi (LOH'-deye), California, city dump truck, when he backed into his own car. He filed a 36-hundred-dollar claim for damages, which the city rejected. City attorneys say Gokey was essentially suing himself. Now, Gokey's wife is filing a claim in her own name, saying she's the one who uses the car. The city has rejected her claim, too. But Rhonda Gokey isn't giving up so easily. She says she's not as nice as her husband.

----

Taken from 'Strange News' from: WTNZ

00:58 Posted in Funny | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Birdfood

Yes. This was funny enough to blog:) Thanks - Rowan!:-p

What the caption says: "Lets see the little shit sell insurance now!"

It's the lizard from the insurance company.

Yes, the talking lizard one.

The one that sells insurance.

Yes. That's the one.

Well done!

 

17:25 Posted in Funny | Permalink | Comments (2) | Email this

Monday, February 06, 2006

Ut-oh. I'm a bad girl.

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!

Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

The wretched King Minos has decided your fate. His tale wraps around his body 7 times.

 

 

 

Level | Score
Purgatory | Low
Level 1 - Limbo | Moderate
Level 2 | High
Level 3 | High
Level 4 | Moderate
Level 5 | Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis | Very Low
Level 7 |Violent |  High
Level 8- the Malebolge | High
Level 9 - Cocytus | Low

Level descriptions: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/dante-inferno-information.html
Take the test: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/dante-inferno-test.mv

Updated: I took this quiz again just now. I'm still a bloody level 7! I'm really not an evil person. The people I know that have already taken this quiz are levels below me with titles such as 'good of heart'.

I'm GOOD OF HEART!!!!! I'm Southern so I'm even more hospitable than most people!

Grrr.

 

 

03:25 Posted in Funny | Permalink | Comments (7) | Email this

Saturday, January 07, 2006

So bad, it's utterly funny!

• What's black, white, black, white, and green?
• Two skunks fighting over a pickle

--

What do you call a bass vocalist who sings by himself?

So-low.

--

What were Cleopatra's dying words?

Asp not what your country can do for you; asp what you can do for your country.

--

• What do flies wear on their feet?
• Shoos.

--

• What's Mary short for?
• She's got no legs

--

• What is a dentist's favorite musical instrument?
• A tuba toothpaste.

--

• Why does a chicken coop have only two doors?
• If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.

--

• What do you say when a dog runs away?
• Dog-gone!

--

• What do you call a horse that likes arts and crafts?
• A hobby horse.

--

• What did the dolphin say to the whale when he bumped into him?
• I didn't do it on porpoise.

--

• What does a proud computer call his little son?
• A microchip off the old block.

--

• Why won't a bike stand up by itself?
• It's two tired.

--

• When is an outlaw neither left-handed nor right-handed?
• When he's red-handed.

--

And the last one for tonight is:

• What did the candle say when he was down on his luck?
• I'm at wick's end.

 

I hope you had a chuckle. I certainly groaned.

 

04:50 Posted in Funny | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

Saturday, December 03, 2005

FREE STUFF! Just pay postage!!!

 

Free phrases!

Ever get tired of saying the same old worn out sayings everyday? Tired of only telling people to "Piss off" or "I can't be arsed" Then grab your free phrase today! Go ahead, it's free! Start your own trend!

I'd really love too, but, I can't because I have to:

...pierce my frozen dinner

...posion my scary grandma

...study my new unicycle

...bath my filthy trumpet

...hypnotize my missing ego

...shave my groovy dinner

...punch my sunburned grandma

...paint my fuzzy legs

...disarm my frantic dreadlocks

...jump my hot sister

...find my lumpy house

...watch my floppy underpants

...bury my burnt weasel

...thwart my huge bomb

...bite my homesick muffin

...eat my unwieldy inner child

...drink my scrappy cat

...walk my frumpy monkey

...spank my upset chicken

...twist my broken legs

...wrestle my huge mailman

...fight my fuzzy hamster

 

I would type more, but I can't because I have to scratch my dead butt.

 

06:37 Posted in Funny | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

Thursday, December 01, 2005

John Lennon and the Tory Party.

 

 I was watching Ozzy Osbourne give his Orange Play and saw an advert for John Lennon's AI

Yes, that's right. John Lennon's 'soul' has been made from artifical intelligence.

You ask questions and this auto-bot with limited artifical intelligence responds, and supposedly, based on what John Lennon would have actually responded.

Anyway.

I ask: > Did you follow the white light?

And John Lennon replies: Control yourself or you'll spurt.

I ask: > Is it dark where you are?
And John replies: I don't know about that, mate.
I ask: > Should David Cameron be the next Tory Party leader?
And John replies: Yes.

I shudder to think what he would say about George Bush, the second coming:/

00:35 Posted in Funny | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

Monday, November 21, 2005

C4

 

Watching a programe on Channel 4 called: Whatever - It's a skit show and right now, the current skit is called:

 Pimp my nan

Funny:-p

01:42 Posted in Funny | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Ahh, sweet Telnet

---- World EW ----
PaSSioN nuzzles arcadia
[O] John wanders off to visit John
PaSSioN says 'he scares off as easily as wolf.'
PaSSioN giggles
[I] John wanders into the room
PaSSioN feels on TC's knee and arcadia's breasts
PaSSioN goes to get the car
[D] PaSSioN quietly exists.
John hhmmsss anyone else noticed anything strange with their home room ?
Tomcat says 'I am Arcadia's paw, and PaSSioN is sister to both of us -
   hmmmmmmmmm'
John would assume you had 4 paws
Tomcat says 'no, one paw and three "uncles" ;-)'
John nods slowly
Megabyte says 'gives you paws for thought, doesn't it ;-)'

 

I idle and I come back to the above. Aww, sweet little telnet... bless - it still makes me laugh!.

*sidenote: 'John' is really Tim - he ain't fooling anyone*

11:05 Posted in Funny | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Welsh Bondage.. is there such a thing?

?????

athena_bathena: have you used handcuffs?
[00:01] tony: well kinda
[00:01] tony: only once
[00:01] tony: and a gown roap
[00:03] athena_bathena: gown roap?
[00:03] athena_bathena: is that Welsh for bondage?
[00:03] athena_bathena: :-p
[00:03] tony: a dressing gown rope
[00:03] athena_bathena: oh!

!!!!!

00:05 Posted in Funny | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this